Monday, April 25, 2011

Ever heard of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates? Morons.

This week I have two moron stories to share. One long, and the other very short.

Moron(s) story #1

For the large part, and I sincerely mean this, people suck. And perhaps this is my cynicism talking, but I cannot trust anything the large masses say collectively. Especially when I read comment boards. You know what I am talking about. They are everywhere and they seem to attack the loudest mouth breathers who have yet to breed themselves out. I literally do not know why I sometimes turn to them for even the slightest amount of insight. They waste so much my gosh damn time.

Go to YouTube,, any news site, even your local paper’s online edition and you will see they have a board specifically made for people to publish their stupid input on things. There is never any wealth of knowledge to be attained there. It is so scarce. You would have better luck panning for gold and finding success, than you would finding wholesome information on a comment board. Plus, they are always so hostile. I would say the breakdown of comments falls something like this:

60% negativity
25% racism (regardless of the topic. The topic could be picnic cups and somehow turn in that direction)
10% I-have-no-idea-what-the-hell-this-person-is-talking-about
5% Some sort of kudos or congratulatory

They drive me insane.

The reason I shed some light on these people who are not showing much after 4 billion years of evolution (so scientist tell me), is not so much my loathing for morons, but more because of something that had happened to me recently.

At the beginning of last week, I purchased a subscription to and my life changed. It is thee best thing any baseball fan could ever invest in. The people of this website give it their HITS seal of approval. I hate myself for having not done it sooner in my life. I had the same feelings with NFL Sunday ticket. For the fantasy sports participants out there, I would consider subscriptions like these, regarding the chosen sport: a must-have. I really feel like I elevated my fanship and wish for all to receive the same joy I have felt. Literally the subscription is worth every penny—and to take the analogy even further—it is like getting access to every game for eighty cents per.

There are blackouts and they need to be understood.

The above disclaimer is the cause for my comment board rant. You see faithful readers, there are dips---s out there who would read my article up until the disclaimer and have this mental self-talk, “I love baseball. This guy sold me on it. I’m buying the subscription.” And then they would proceed to, pull out their credit card and click purchase.

Freaking idiots make these knee jerk reactions everyday. This person is about to find out that the local teams—WITHIN YOUR INTERNET’S IP ADDRESS—are blacked out. What does IP address mean?

Right now, the computer I am physically logged in to, is connected to the internet. The computer connects to an IP address which is like an electronic version of it’s house. Think of it as where you live now. Depending on where you live will depend on what team’s games are blacked out. I live in area where the Colorado Rockies and Arizona Diamondbacks games—and who ever they are playing—get blacked out. This does not bother me as a Red Sox/Mariners fan because my two teams will never play them. I know this because I checked before buying. Now, if I were to travel to Seattle on a business trip, and tried to access my account, my IP address would have changed and the Seattle Mariners games would now be blackout out. Get the picture? Of course you do, you are not an idiot.

What do you do if you are the mouth breathing Indians fan who lives in Cleveland and just shot themselves in the foot to the tune of $120 dollars because you have no idea what an IP address is? Hit up the comment board.

“Total bait and switch. I want my money back!”

“All of my games are blacked out! This is a scam!”

“Wow. I cannot believe MLB is able to steal money like from people.”

I could go on and on and on with posts like these. This is not the MLB’s fault. This is your fault, stupid person, because you are recklessly stupid. Normally, when you come across these people with a black and white mind, working on a color-coded problem, you can quickly dismiss them without further frustration.

But what about those times when you are about to purchase something, and want to do a little bit of homework and have to wade through the comments written my people who are as sharp as jello and twice as smart? Like Apple’s app store. What then?

I always read peoples reviews on apps, and to give these random strangers some benefit of the doubt, they have steered me clear from some dumb purchases. At least I am telling myself that. This is sadly not the case though with’s app. I was almost led astray from the greatest add-on to subscription.

When I bought the subscription, one of the advertisements told me I could watch the games on multiple devices, including the iPad; which I own. Naturally, I hit up the app store and was shocked to see the $15 dollar app had close to 500 1-star reviews out of total 900. Not good. So I dove in to see what people were writing:

“What rip off. This thing crashes ALL THE TIME! I WANT MY MONEY BACK!”

“Scam. This app told me I could watch games live and all I can get is audio.”

“$15 dollars for this? Do not purchase.”

This went on for pages, with the occasional 5-star uber positive review. So, I held off on the purchase and continued to watch games on my computer in stunning HD. A few days go by and I read few more reviews. Much of the same. Held off for another couple of days and headed back for my third go at reviewing reviews. Then I had a breakthrough.

Never attempt to understand an idiot, because they will just bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.

These reviews were not from savvy app buyers like myself. They came from people who were all foam and no beer. How could I expect myself to make an informed decision, when the people who were offering up the information were the ones who made an UN-informed decision? I would say that eighty-eight percent of the negative app reviews were from people who thought buying the $15 dollar app would give them the $120 dollar subscription access. Or their iPad keeps crashing because they never update it’s software. What morons. Read the product information all the way through and GET OUT of my app store review board you dumb dumb dumb people. You trick me with your simple minds.

Sure, is paying fifteen bucks kind of annoying to have iPad video access. Of course it is. But would I have paid $135 for just the subscription in the first place. Of course I would have. It is a wash in my mind. Now I have the pleasure of viewing all the baseball games that I want, on the convenience of my tablet. Life is good… but it was almost held back by dumbass people who buy things without doing any sort of research on their purchase. And we wonder why we are in a recession.

Moral of the story: Buy an subscription and have no fears if you are interested in the app.

Moron story #2

If you do not follow soccer or the MLS, Seattle Sounders FC forward, Steve Zakuani (pronounced Zack-ew-ah-knee), had his leg snapped in half my Colorado Rapids midfielder Brian Mullan and a dirty, dirty play. After the game Mullan “was in tears at what had happen”. Yeah right, bruh. You lead your team in fouls committed. You are a shady player. Do not be surprised, Brian, when you are put through the ringer and have blunt items thrown at you on your visit to Quest Field July 16th.

Moral of story: Brian Mullan is long list of expletives.

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