The summer brings perfect weather, which in turns brings in perfect riding conditions. Before the summer riding can begin, you have to do the spring tune up—which I did yesterday. I will not bore you with those details. So what else does summer do for us? It also has baseball in full swing, but as the Mariners and Red Sox chase .500 ball, I do not feel like writing a column on them… just yet. OK, what about basketball? My picks are almost 3 out of 4 so far. Maybe I can do a Finals preview, but not now. So what then? Hmmm…
Movies are simply fantastic. I credit 9% of who I am today to the movies I watched while growing up. Films like Back to the Future, Rocky IV, Silverado, The Man from Snowy River, Over the Top, Teen Wolf, Big Trouble in Little China, The Sword in the Stone, Jungle Book, Big, The Goonies, The Princess Bride, The Rocketeer, Three Ninjas, Camp Nowhere, Cool Runnings, Home Alone, Young Guns, Cool As Ice, Gleaming the Cube, Kuffs, My Blue Heaven, The Sandlot, Little Giants, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles—but NOT Turtles Lost in Time; that one sucked—Uncle Buck, Tommy Boy, Billy Madison, Happy Gilmore… I could go on and on and on.
I love movies. In ways, I think that they define us and what we secretly hope to become. We see ourselves vicariously. And it does not take much for us to be convinced that any given situation is possible. Just show us that you are taking some sort of effort to sound legit and my mind will do the rest. Take Jurassic Park for a prime example.
Dinosaurs. How? Simple.
- Mosquitoes have been around since the dawn of time.
We do not actually know this, but they are a bug and my mind tells me that the world has always had bugs—especially mosquitoes.
- Mosquitoes live off the blood of others.
Dinosaurs were the only thing living at the time that had blood. The mosquitoes drank this. We are right with you on the logistics of the scientific process JP.
- In theory, a mosquito could have bitten a dinosaur and moments later, unluckily landed in some tree sap, only to eventually be engulfed by massive amounts sap.
I do not know anything about the molecular qualities of tree sap or when it hardens, but if you said to me that it becomes as durable as adamantium in it’s hardened state—I’d believe it.
- Archeologists discover this sap-trapped insect while digging.
- Some super smart scientist thought it would be a good idea to test these mosquitoes for DNA
Technology is at its peak and anything is possible. It is 1993 after all.
- Dinosaur DNA is mainly intact—all we have to is plug in some frog DNA to fill in the missing links and we can engineer a dinosaur.
Obviously. Duh. You’re super smart scientist and, again, this is 1993. I believe everything you are saying right now, almost to the point that it is trying to be too technical. I am definitely going to overlook the bit about using frog DNA and not even wonder if it will part of the plot twist later in the movie. Show me the dinosaurs already.
That was all of us in 1993. We believed that. I still believe that actually. It met the could-this-maybe-sort-a-happen criteria and we were good. That is all we needed logistically so all the studio had to do was just hit us with some cool special effects and a killer soundtrack that will define its time. Da-da-daaaa-duum-dum. Da-da-daaa-duum-dum. Da-da-du-daaaa-duum-duum-daaaaaaaa. You know exactly what tune that is!
Big, over the top movies are what make the summer so fun. For me, Jurassic Park was the first giant/big movie that I can recall. I remember seeing it with my dad and being blown away even more than I already was, because he was blown away. I thought, “This movie is awesome, but I am just kid. He is a grown up and he thinks it is just as cool as I do. It must the best movie ever!” And I think it is cool that Hollywood keeps ‘em coming every year. I am talking to you Michael Bay. Do you brother. Do. You.
I have never understood why people jump all over Michael Bay movies. I for one love them. This is the guy that gave us Bad Boys, Armageddon, The Rock, Pearl Harbor (which did not go over well with audiences, but I liked it very much) and obviously all of the Transformer movies. He is the big movie guy. I do not go to his flicks wanting gripping, oscar-worthy performances. And neither should you. Other people can make those movies. I like those movies too, but every now and then you need your visual fix. This summer, when the weather is sticky, thick, and hot outside; do you want to be in an air-conditioned theater slurping down an icy Coke watching a Geoffrey Rush in Shine type portrayal… OR do you want to see the bad-guy transformer eat a skyscraper while a supermodel runs in slo-mo at an iMAX? I am going with the latter. I am going with the latter almost six times this summer.
Thor (in theatures)
‘The Boss’ and I saw this a couple of days ago. We liked it. I liked the part where Thor kickes some Frost Giant ass; ‘The Boss’ liked the parts with Thor. It was funny because after the movie was over, ‘The Boss’ said she knew that the antagonist in the movie was going to be the bad one because he had the darker hair. Nice try Hollywood, but there is no fooling ‘The Boss’.
X-Men: First Class (June 3rd)
They could make 30 of these movies and I would go to every one because I watched this every morning before I got ready for Kindergarden. And perhaps I collected and still own my X-Men Fleer trading cards. My only hiccup is that they need to make Gambit, like, super awesome. I am sorry, Tim Riggins, you did not cut it in X-Men Origins: Wolverine
Green Lantern (June 17th)
***Disclaimer*** I am happy this is being made, but fear this might start some sort of ‘Green Curse’ and go the route of The Green Hornet and totally suck. And I am sure they break it down and make it OK by using the Jurassic Park movie formula to explain why Ryan Reynolds is the Green Lantern—but I still want my Green Lantern to be black. Just sayin’.
Transformers: Dark of the Moon (July 1st)
Saw the trailer at the midnight showing of Fast Five (loved it BTW; and there is totally going to be a part 6) and I have thrown it in to my don’t-watch-any-of-the-previews excitement category. What this means, is that if I see one trailer for a movie and the trailer gets me SOOO pumped, I force myself to not watch—or listen—to any more of that movie’s trailers, so when I go and see the actual movie, every scene blows my mind. I have been known to do this for all of the Batman, Ironman, and Transformers movies.
Captain America: The First Avenger (July 22nd)
Chris Evans as Captain America? I’ll buy it. ‘The Boss’ is d-e-f-i-n-i-t-e-l-y buying it. My questions is this: Chris Evans, you played the Human Torch in the Fantastic Four franchise, which is part of the Marvel Universe that Captain America exist in… and the Fantastic Four eventually join The Avengers… which is also a movie of the same name that drops next summer… which will you choose? Regardless, I look forward to you killing a bunch of Nazi’s this July.
I am just now, as I type this, coming to the realization that I would thoroughly enjoy Comic-Con. Let my nerd out to stretch it’s legs some. I would for sure have a geek attack and could not help but write a 6000-word column that nobody would read. I am going this year. I have made up my mind. And by “am” I really mean “I would” if ‘The Boss’ allowed it. That and both the 4-day and 1-day passes are sold out. I checked already.